at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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