u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Drake has all the answers
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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