Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
