If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize