first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
