I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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