she was so not down for the gang bang
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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