i jhust puked up my retainher.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize