my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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