i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
