Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
