Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
