maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
