3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
