Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
jump out the window naked night went bad
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
