i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
