great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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