when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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