he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize