69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
