Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize