I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
