Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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