I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
