I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
