i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
