now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
