So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
