ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
