I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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