Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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