By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He did a backflip because drugs
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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