My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The uberlube is also flammable
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
