The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
pop tarts are not kleenex
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
