Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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