The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
