He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize