Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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