WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
