Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
