Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
