I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
