There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
