Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
