So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
40s are totally the cure
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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