she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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