and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
