That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
