OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
