i don't like sucking hair
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
