Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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