9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
