I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
