You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
