What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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