you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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