i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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