Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
