Got a toothbrush?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
