McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
