he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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