I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
